Post-button-o-phobia

I am both fascinated and frustrated by my confidence levels at this stage of study. I long for the interaction of the online tutes and I recognise how fortunate that I am that aside from a couple of hungry sheep or a bubbling saucepan, I have few things prohibiting me from participating in our tutorials. I realise this is not the case for so many other students.

I am enjoying the reading, not sure if I’m absorbing information the right way yet, but the concepts engage me. I’ve started a “buzzwords” A3 page that I add all of the new terms and concepts to so they’re all in one place – perhaps this could become a wiki? I know “buzzwords” sounds temporary and flippant, but I’m yet to think of another term that describes this new metalanguage.

But ask me to post something on a forum and I am useless. I faff around, re-read everybody else’s and then put something half-hearted up, that barely touches the sides of what is going on inside my head. Why do I find the forums so alienating? Am I overwhelmed by the existing responses? Why the attack of confidence now? How does this translate into a classroom environment?

This is the one area where I think I was a better student a decade and a bit ago. Because I hadn’t been beaten around the head by CEOs who, often and quite rightly, want changes to what I’ve written.

As I am from a background of professional communication, in my current role I normally write, discuss, re-write, provide a draft to a senior executive, discuss the changes, often get a legal opinion, then finally push send or publish. And that’s how my day goes. That’s why I pay for professional indemnity insurance, because often the consequences of my writing can have serious implications.

So, what a foreign experience this is, being able to put something up for the world to see that is reflective, questioning, a bit self-indulgent and potentially ..*cough*… not signed off by four other people.

Awareness is the first step when it comes to dealing with my strange phobia. And certainly a certain lecturer’s capital-lettered, exclamation marked encouragement helps. When I sent a very “sorry, hi, sorry, I’m not sure where this fits in but it’s kind of interesting” email, her immediate response was “SHARE!!!!!” So I did, and I am, and hopefully somewhere along the way, it will become natural. And then my students will reap the rewards of a safe, creative and connected learning environment.